5 Reasons Being a Mom Is the Hardest Thing You’ll Ever Do

There’s a specific kind of tired that happens when you’re a mom. 

Not just “I didn’t sleep” tired. Not just “busy day” tired. More like a deep bone tiredness that shreds the possibility of managing the hundred tiny responsibilities in your head while still being expected to be patient, present, playful, wise, productive, and grateful.

And when you’re struggling, it makes sense that it shows up in how you feel about yourself.

Thinking along the lines of: “If I were better at this, it wouldn’t feel so hard.” 

Honestly, something being hard doesn’t mean that you’re failing.  Hard often equates to humanity, and a role that was never meant to be done alone.

Here are five reasons being a mom can feel impossibly hard… and why none of them are proof that you’re doing it wrong.

1) The “mental load” never turns off

Motherhood isn’t just the doing. It’s the constant tracking.

The remembering. The planning. The anticipating. The noticing. The scheduling. The “Oh no, we’re out of vitamins” and “Picture day is Thursday” and “She’s been quieter than normal, do I need to worry?” running quietly in the background of your mind.

Research backs this up: studies on cognitive household labor (often called the “mental load”) find it’s divided even more unevenly than physical chores, and that a disproportionate share is associated with higher stress, burnout, depression, and relationship strain for mothers.

If you’ve ever read a Reddit thread where moms describe feeling like the “family manager,” you know the vibe: you’re not just doing the work. You responsible for the whole ecosystem staying afloat. 

Why this doesn’t mean you’re failing: your brain is responding normally to an abnormal amount of cognitive labor.

2) You’re expected to be emotionally available… all the fucking time. 

Kids don’t just need food and clean socks. They need co-regulation. They need your tone, your face, your patience, your nervous system.

Even when you’re depleted.

Even when you’re overstimulated.

Even when you’re dealing with adult problems no one sees.

This is part of why parental stress has become a broader public health concern. The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory points to modern parenting pressure, isolation, time strain, financial stressors, and the intensity of expectations; while noting that parents’ mental health and well-being are essential, not optional.

Why this doesn’t mean you’re failing: emotional availability is not an infinite resource. It requires support, rest, and repair.

3) The stakes feel sky-high 

Being a mother comes with a relentless sense of consequence.

If you get it wrong, will it impact them forever?

If you lose your temper, will they remember it?

If you miss a sign, will you regret it?

That “always on alert” feeling isn’t you being dramatic. For many moms, it’s the weight of responsibility mixed with deep love and fear. And it’s happening in a culture that sells “perfect parenting” like a product.

In national stress data, parents consistently report high stress more often than non-parents, and in 2023, about one-third of parents reported high stress in the past month (vs. about one-fifth of other adults).

Why this doesn’t mean you’re failing: when you love someone that much, your mind tries to prevent pain. That isn’t weakness, it’s attachment.

4) You’re doing it with less help than humans were meant to have

A lot of us are mothering inside a tiny bubble: a household, maybe a partner, maybe not, maybe family nearby, maybe not.

Historically, parenting was more communal. Multiple adults. Built-in support. Shared tasks. Shared watching. Shared meals. Shared emotional buffering.

Now many moms are trying to do the work of a whole village while also keeping up with jobs, marriage, friendships, health, extended family obligations, and the invisible admin of daily life.

That isolation is part of what many parents describe as overwhelming and misunderstood. Something the APA has also highlighted in its coverage of parental stress and burnout.

Why this doesn’t mean you’re failing: if you’re exhausted, it may be a support problem, but it is not a character problem.

5) Your needs are often the first thing to get cut

Most moms don’t decide to neglect themselves. It happens slowly.

You eat last. You rest last. You pee last. You get the leftovers of time and energy.

And over time, your body starts waving little flags: irritability, brain fog, shutdown, anxiety, resentment, numbness, crying that you can’t explain.

Another thing to consider, for some moms, this level of exhaustion could be tied to feeling emotionally alone in their relationship.

So if you’re thinking, Why can’t I handle what other moms handle? Please hear this gently:

You are not “too sensitive.” You’re maxed out.

Why this doesn’t mean you’re failing: constant giving without recovery eventually costs you.

If this is you, try this (small, doable, real)

• Name the load out loud. Even to yourself: “This is a lot. I’m carrying too much.” (Naming reduces shame.)

• Pick one thing to drop or delegate this week. Not forever, unless that’s what you want. Just this week.

• Choose one “recovery moment” a day. Two minutes counts: sunlight, a shower with the door locked, a quiet drink, a slow breath before you walk in.

• Repair instead of aiming for perfect. Kids don’t need flawless moms. They need real moms who come back, apologize, and reconnect.

And if you’re struggling right now, if you’re crying in the pantry, snapping more than you want to, fantasizing about running away for one silent day, listen:

That is not failure.

That is a signal.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are overextended.

Being a mom in a world where mothers are shamed for everything: breastfeeding or formula, staying at home or working, body weight, considering a divorce, staying married, etc. makes it extremely difficult to manage because of how relentless, meaningful, and often unsupported the role is. 

The fact that you feel it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re awake to what you’re carrying.

And that awareness? That’s where change begins.

Being a mom is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, and part of the journey is recognizing that you don’t have to do it alone.

If this blog struck a chord, and you are ready to find some support, please reach out today. I look forward to hearing from you!

Research referenced in this post

Daminger, A. (2019). The cognitive dimension of household labor. American Sociological Review.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11761833/

U.S. Surgeon General (2023). Parents Under Pressure.
https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/parents-under-pressure.pdf

National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (2023). Parental stress and well-being.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK606662/

American Psychological Association. Parental burnout and stress.
https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/parental-burnout