Why You Overthink Everything

If you overthink everything, you already know the cruel part.

Your mind is never lazy. It is never offline. It is always working. Running scenarios. Replaying conversations. Forecasting outcomes. Trying to prevent regret like it is a full time job.

And from the outside, it can look like you are fine.

You show up. You get things done. You keep other people’s worlds running. You can sound calm while your brain is doing ten laps around the same decision.

In my work, I see this pattern over and over again, and it still catches people off guard.

Overthinking is not a lack of intelligence. It is often a sign that you care deeply, you notice how things unfold, and you have learned that being prepared is safer than being surprised.

For many people, especially high achievers, preparation quietly turns into perfectionism. The belief that if you think hard enough, plan far enough ahead, or anticipate every outcome, you can avoid making the wrong move.

The problem is that your mind can turn preparation into a trap.

Let’s talk about why overthinking happens, why it feels impossible to stop, and how to untangle the web without needing perfect clarity first.

Overthinking is often your brain trying to create certainty

There is a concept in the research called intolerance of uncertainty. In plain language, uncertainty feels so uncomfortable that your brain tries to eliminate it as quickly as possible.

One way it tries to do that is by thinking more.

If I analyze every angle, maybe I can prevent the wrong choice.
If I rehearse the conversation enough, maybe I can avoid conflict.
If I keep reading and researching, maybe I will finally feel sure.

For perfectionists, this often shows up as the quiet belief that there is a right answer and that choosing incorrectly would mean something about you.

That you failed.
That you missed something obvious.
That you should have known better.

Studies consistently link higher intolerance of uncertainty with higher anxiety and show that rumination can play a role in that loop. Rumination is the repetitive mental replaying that feels productive but rarely produces relief.

If that is you, you are not imagining it. Your mind is doing what it believes is protective.

But it is exhausting.

Rumination is not problem solving, even when it feels like it

Problem solving moves forward. It has an endpoint.

Rumination is circular. It repeats. It searches for the perfect answer, and the perfect answer never arrives.

Perfectionism keeps this loop alive. “Good enough” does not feel safe. Stopping feels risky. There is always one more thing to consider, one more angle to check, one more way this could go wrong.

In the research, rumination is a well established risk factor for depression and anxiety symptoms, and it is associated with distress in a way that can keep people stuck in their internal world.

This is one reason overthinking can feel so defeating. You do not only feel stressed about the problem. You start feeling stressed about yourself for not being able to stop thinking about it.

That negative self talk often sounds like this:

Why can’t I just decide?
What is wrong with me?
Why does everyone else seem to handle this better?

Shame quietly joins the conversation, and the loop tightens.

Overthinking is a way to avoid the emotional cost of choice

Most people think overthinking is about not knowing what to do.

In reality, it is often about not wanting to feel what happens after you decide.

Regret.
Disappointment.
Guilt.
Conflict.
Letting someone down.
Being misunderstood.
Making the wrong move and having to live with it.

For people with a strong fear of failure, decisions feel loaded. Choosing is not just choosing. It is risking the possibility that you will get it wrong, disappoint someone, or confirm an old belief that you are not enough.

So instead of deciding, your brain tries to create a decision that comes with zero emotional fallout.

Truthfully, that decision does not exist.

We see this play out on social media platforms over and over. People describe feeling paralyzed by even small choices, spending hours researching, replaying pros and cons, and still feeling no relief. Many describe wanting the perfect outcome, or wanting to keep every option open, because closure feels like loss.

Even if you do not relate to every detail of those threads, you can probably relate to the emotional core.

If I pick one path, I lose the others.
If I choose wrong, I might fail.
If I fail, I cannot forgive myself.

The more decisions you make, the harder it can be to decide

You have probably heard the term decision fatigue. The core idea is simple. The more decisions you make, the more depleted you can feel, and the harder it becomes to make good decisions later.

There is still debate in psychology about exactly how decision fatigue works, but most people recognize the experience in their own bodies.

When you are overloaded, tired, and constantly choosing, your capacity shrinks. Decision making becomes heavier, slower, and more emotionally charged.

Perfectionism adds pressure here. It does not just ask you to decide. It asks you to decide correctly. Responsibly. Without regret. Without consequences. Without making a mess.

If you are a mom, a helper, a therapist, a high achiever, an eldest daughter, a caretaker, a manager, a person who holds it together, you are likely making more decisions than you even count.

Of course your brain wants to opt out.

Overthinking can be that opt out. A stall. A delay. A way to avoid committing when you already feel maxed out.

Why logic does not fix it

This part matters.

Overthinkers often try to logic their way out of overthinking.

They make a list. They talk it out. They ask five people. They research until midnight. They try to find the one right answer that will finally make the anxiety stop.

But overthinking is not primarily a logic problem.

It is a safety strategy.

If your nervous system does not feel safe with uncertainty, no amount of analysis will create the relief you are looking for. The brain will simply ask for more analysis.

Perfectionism promises safety through certainty. When certainty does not arrive, the mind works harder.

And now you are stuck in the loop again.

What actually helps you get unstuck

The shift is not to stop thinking.

The shift is changing what you ask your mind to do.

Instead of asking, “What is the perfect choice?”
You ask, “What is the next honest step I can live with?”

Instead of asking, “How do I make sure nothing goes wrong?”
You ask, “What would it look like to handle it if something is hard?”

Instead of asking, “How do I become certain?”
You ask, “How do I move forward even if I am not?”

That is the heart of my Let’s Get Unstuck Blueprint.

It is not a motivational pep talk. It is a structure for people whose brains do not stop spinning. It helps you identify what kind of stuck you are in, how perfectionism and fear of failure are shaping your decisions, and what you keep postponing while waiting to feel ready.

Most people are waiting for clarity to appear before they act.

In my experience, clarity often comes after motion.

Not frantic motion. Not impulsive decisions.

Small, grounded movement. Enough to give your brain new information. Enough to interrupt the loop.

If you see yourself here

If you are tired of overthinking everything, here is what I want you to know.

Overthinking is not proof that you are incapable. It is proof that you are trying hard to get it right.

And yet, you deserve a way to carry your life that does not require perfection in order to move forward.

For many people, especially eldest daughters, overthinking grows out of years of carrying responsibility too early and too often.

If you want a next step that is practical and structured, my Let’s Get Unstuck Blueprint was made for you…

If overthinking has been your way of trying to get it right, you’re not alone. The Let’s Get Unstuck Blueprint helps you move forward without waiting for certainty or perfection to show up first.

Sources and Further Reading

Dugas, M. J., Gagnon, F., Ladouceur, R., & Freeston, M. H. (1998). Generalized anxiety disorder: A preliminary test of a conceptual model. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
(Intolerance of uncertainty and chronic worry)

Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
(Rumination as a driver of anxiety and depression)

Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin.
(Distinction between problem-solving and rumination)

American Psychological Association. Rumination and overthinking.
(Clinical overview of rumination, anxiety, and mental loops)