There's always something else to do. It never ends. Before your feet even hit the floor you are going through the entire day's to-do list.
Grocery order to Walmart. Don't forget to sign the permission slip for your son's day trip at school. Do I have enough peanut butter to make their lunches for school today? Don't forget to feed yourself.
Husband is dressed, coffee in hand, peck on your cheek, and out the door without a word of "do you need anything before I take off?"
This is how things have been, even as a child, you being the one to take care of things.
And here's the part that stings:
You encourage others to care for themselves while abandoning yourself.
You know the words. You say them to everyone else all the time: Slow down. Let yourself rest. You don't have to earn your worth. It's okay to ask for help.
But when's the last time you did any of that?
This has been what your life has been like, and you don't know another way. The problem is, this isn't just regular tired. This is soul-deep exhaustion.
It started early in your childhood, probably before you were even 10.You took care of things without having to be asked.
When you saw your mom stressing out trying to get everyone up and out the door in the morning, you started setting an alarm, getting yourself ready and waking your brother up before she even had to ask.
This one moment doesn't seem like much. And it isn't.
What I want you to pay attention to is that you have lived thousands of scenarios like it, and over time, they are a prime example of how self-abandonment starts with "just trying to help someone you love."
That is honorable and lovely and kind. But I don't want it to be at the expense of yourself.
You wake up tired, yes. But you also wake up irritated, resentful, and angry.
Angry at your partner. The neglectful parents. Maybe even the kids.
And don’t forget to add yourself to this list.
The rage of carrying everyone and everything for so many years has come out of hiding.
You've been trying to fix this for years. Not just for others, for yourself.
Books. The Body Keeps the Score. Set Boundaries, Find Peace. What My Bones Know. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The Dance of Anger.
The list could go on and on.
Therapy. Therapy for you, therapy for the children, an ADHD executive coach.
At this point, what haven't you tried?
I don't know if you've figured it out yet, so I'm going to name this clearly:
The belief that your worth depends on how useful you are to everyone else is a wound. A deep one. And no amount of doing more will heal it.
You don't need something else to try. You need care.
This work isn't about fixing you, because you're not broken. It's about reconnecting with the part of you that's always been enough. We untangle the belief that your value depends on what you produce for other people.
If you resonated with any of this story, check out my blog, here.
There has been so much pressure on you. For years. When will you decide that you are done figuring this out alone?