Parenthood Plan for Moms: Support Your Kids and Yourself After Divorce
This post is Part 3 of a 4-part series on navigating divorce as a mom.
If you missed Part 1, you can read it here: Is It the End of Your Relationship? Divorce Support for Moms Who Feel Stuck
If you missed Part 2, you can read it here: The End of a Relationship: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Guilt, Anxiety, Relief—and Everything In Between
You’ve made it through the decision—the unsteady grief, the guilt, the strange relief—and now you’re living in the in-between. The relationship is technically over… but if you’re raising kids together, it never really ends. Not completely.
Maybe you thought things would get easier once you separated, and in some ways, they have. Now you’re left trying to co-parent with someone who may still trigger you, confuse you, or make you question whether you’re doing enough.
You’re not alone in that.
In this part of the series, we’re exploring what comes next:
Setting boundaries with your ex, holding space for messy emotions, and continuing to support your kids; without losing yourself in the process.
Co-Parenting Isn’t Just a Schedule
It’s one thing to coordinate calendars. It’s another to share holidays, school pickups, and routines while trying to heal.
You might feel like you’re expected to be calm, flexible, and emotionally neutral, while navigating wounds that are still fresh. You’re trying to move forward while still being pulled back: through messages, missed drop-offs, or passive digs that sound like “I’m just trying to help.”
There’s a part of you that wants to keep things peaceful for the kids, and another part that still aches from what you lost.
You can’t fully grieve when the door doesn’t close all the way. So how do you protect your peace when the contact continues?
What Boundaries Can Actually Look Like
You may not be able to control your ex’s behavior, but you do get to decide how much access they have to your emotional space.
A few boundaries to consider:
Communication boundaries: Stick to kid-related topics. If your ex tries to bring up the past, pull you into conflict, or use the kids as a way back in, you’re allowed to step away.
“I’m only available to talk about [child’s name] right now” is enough.
Timing boundaries: You don’t have to be available around the clock. Late-night texts don’t require immediate replies.
Emotional boundaries: You can support your kids' connection with their other parent without pretending everything is fine. You can be respectful without being unauthentic.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about clarity, and clarity helps when everything else feels confusing or unclear.
When They Still Know How to Push Your Buttons
Even when the relationship is over, your ex might still know exactly how to get under your skin. Maybe they manipulate the story. Maybe they act like the victim. Maybe they’re charming on social media while you’re barely holding it together.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
When your ex keeps crossing emotional lines, it’s not a sign to try harder. It’s a reminder to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to ignore the bait.
You’re allowed to disengage.
You’re allowed to feel angry and still choose not to react.
Healing isn’t about becoming unbothered. It’s about responding with intention, not reaction.
Supporting Your Kids Without Over-Functioning
One of the most common traps post-divorce moms fall into is trying to fill all the emotional gaps. You want your children to feel safe and secure, so you pour more of yourself into holding everything together.
But over-functioning doesn’t equal good parenting.
You don’t have to:
Smooth everything over
Make up for the other parent’s choices
Pretend things are okay when they aren’t
What your kids need most is a steady, present version of you.
A parent who shows up with warmth and honesty (make sure to speak in ways that are kid- and age-appropriate)
A parent who names hard things without making it their job to fix them.
A parent who says, “I’m doing the best I can,” and models how to take care of their own needs, too.
That’s the kind of stability that truly supports them.
Holding Space for the Messy Emotions
Even when you’ve made peace with your decision, complicated emotions can still catch you off guard.
You might feel sadness at birthdays.
Jealousy when your kids have fun at your ex’s house.
Guilt when you enjoy a quiet weekend alone.
None of this means you’ve made the wrong choice.
You’re allowed to feel the full range.
You don’t have to justify it.
You don’t have to fix it.
You just have to let it move through you.
Facing the New Chapter: When Your Ex Starts Dating or Remarries
One of the hardest parts of post-divorce life is seeing your ex move on. Whether it’s a new relationship or marriage, those moments can bring up a flood of unexpected emotions—grief, jealousy, relief, anger, or even confusion. You might catch yourself wondering, Am I supposed to feel this way?
There’s no “right” way to feel.
You’ve shared a history and a family. Watching someone else step into that space can feel like a loss, even if the relationship needed to end.
You get to decide how much you engage with this new chapter of their life. You don’t have to be polite or curious if it feels painful. It’s okay to protect your heart by limiting updates, social media, or conversations about their dating life.
You’re allowed to feel what you feel. You don’t have to explain it. You just have to honor it.
Coping When Your Ex Makes Parenting Choices You Disagree With
One of the most difficult realities of co-parenting after divorce is that you won’t always agree with your ex’s choices. Maybe they set rules you wouldn’t. Maybe they allow things you’d never consider.
You can’t control their parenting. You can only control yours.
What helps:
Stay calm and grounded.
Avoid criticizing your ex in front of your kids.
Keep conversations focused on what’s best for the children.
Reinforce your own values and rules when your kids are with you.
Accept that not everything can be changed, and that’s okay.
If things are occurring that are impacting safety, make sure you are keeping track of those: document, document, document. (date, time, place, situation, who was involved, all the deets.)
Support doesn’t mean agreement. Boundaries here protect your energy and give your kids a steady foundation.
Grieving the Loss of Daily Time With Your Kids
One of the most painful shifts in divorce is not having your kids with you all the time.
That absence can bring deep grief: loneliness, sadness, even guilt.
You’re allowed to:
Feel that sadness
Miss the little moments
Cry on the couch during hand-off days
You’re still their mom.
Ways to honor the grief:
Create rituals on the days they’re gone; something meaningful just for you
Stay connected through small check-ins (texts, calls, voice memos)
Focus on presence over perfection when you’re together
Let others support you, it’s okay to not carry this alone
Consider a mom/divorce support group if you feel it’s appropriate
Grief isn’t a sign you made the wrong decision. It’s a sign you care deeply. Let it move through you with gentleness.
You’re Still Becoming
This chapter isn’t about getting it right. It’s about learning how to be with yourself again—honestly, compassionately, and without shame.
You’re not failing.
You’re not behind.
You’re right on time.
If you’re carrying all of this on your own, therapy can offer a grounded space to reconnect with yourself, set clear boundaries, and feel more empowered in your role as both a mother and a human.
